the jobless idealist--
its been a while since i last posted an entry here.. ive bin busy with work..but now, after 7 months since i entered that company.. i resigned and am currently preparing myself for a better jumpstart for my future. id like to be more ready..in terms of software-literacy, construction know-hows, and yes even in conversation.. id like to be better and i cant train myself if i dont pause and get sum rest from my almost-everyday-overtym-and-every-week-overnight-at-work.. i have to start a routine .. and then thats the time i could work again.. and if i pass the scholarship test. damn it im goin abroad and start a better and more purposeful life.
this is what i like. i really love to study engineering so that i would understand whether or not the structure i would design is feasible or may i say....possible. ive always believed that to be a great designer, you shout be a builder. a designer is not a builder unless he/she understands what he/she is bulding. and i mean understanding every part of it. maybe i dont trust engineers enough to calculate my design and make changes on it after they tell me that my design is too weak or too impossible. id like to understand it myself before i let them change my design. im not selfish i just would like to really know it myself. id like to be my own engineer. i say it this way because im firstly an architect.. only secondly an engineer.
i never dreamt to be an engineer.. i love to be an architect. i love being a writer next, actually.(hope youre not gettin lost yet with wat im tryin to explain..) but if i really long to be a good architect, i must know engineering.and thats what i am aiming to accomplish
some people may never understand why i quit my job without knowing where to go next, as i have no pending job to jump to. they are wrong.. i know where im headed. im more of thinking about my future. i dont want to go with the flow, i dont want to just enter any archi firm that would welcome me as an apprentice. id like to be knowledgeable. id like to be smarter. id like to be ready before i start workin again coz i want to be more serious. i want to work without noticing the time, without waiting for break time every time i try to sit on my station to finish sum sheet..
id like to know my purpose in life. id like to work everyday knowing that every step i make will lead me into building that great architectural masterpiece sumday. it may be far. i may be 'bein too idealistic". no. i am just having a goal. i am a designer and sumday i will build that building that will be a bastion of sumthing of a higher kind.. i dont exactly understand what id like it to be. i just know that id be building a great building someday. i was born for that. they can kill me after i have built it. that is my purpose anyway.. to give birth to something- a great building, that is.maybe a university..coz i always wanted to be a part of building our nation.
call me a goody-goody or watever names you want. listen to me first, though. when we die all that's left is that very thing we sacrified so much for that we actually lived with almost nothing but that purpose in mind. we will be forgotten. how good we are in bed, how much a kisser we are, how pretty we were during our youthful days, how we dressed, how rich we were, how many cars we had.. it will all be forgotten when we die. so id like to travel the road that is less trodden.
dont get it wrong. im not against love affairs. i myself is dying to meet guys that i would really be attracted with. i just dont want it to be my goal. let it come if it will. im too excited and i am getting impatient at times... but i got sum more important things to think of.. so let it come to me at the right time. im tired of looking for it.
thats why im really workin hard on training myself to think of my greater purpose in life.. thats why i stopped. thats why im getting sum scholarships. let love chase me. let it find me at the right time. and let me do better in life as it find its way to me... i would like to be the best i can be as i postpone lookin for sum love affairs that may just hurt me and waste the time i could have used to perform my purpose on earth. i am not living for myself. i sumhow believe i got a greater responsibility. i want to be used by God, the One who made me and gave me all these talents i can never boast of.i want to be worthy of that man he wants for me. id like to be worthy of his plans for me.. and im getting it.
this is what i like. i really love to study engineering so that i would understand whether or not the structure i would design is feasible or may i say....possible. ive always believed that to be a great designer, you shout be a builder. a designer is not a builder unless he/she understands what he/she is bulding. and i mean understanding every part of it. maybe i dont trust engineers enough to calculate my design and make changes on it after they tell me that my design is too weak or too impossible. id like to understand it myself before i let them change my design. im not selfish i just would like to really know it myself. id like to be my own engineer. i say it this way because im firstly an architect.. only secondly an engineer.
i never dreamt to be an engineer.. i love to be an architect. i love being a writer next, actually.(hope youre not gettin lost yet with wat im tryin to explain..) but if i really long to be a good architect, i must know engineering.and thats what i am aiming to accomplish
some people may never understand why i quit my job without knowing where to go next, as i have no pending job to jump to. they are wrong.. i know where im headed. im more of thinking about my future. i dont want to go with the flow, i dont want to just enter any archi firm that would welcome me as an apprentice. id like to be knowledgeable. id like to be smarter. id like to be ready before i start workin again coz i want to be more serious. i want to work without noticing the time, without waiting for break time every time i try to sit on my station to finish sum sheet..
id like to know my purpose in life. id like to work everyday knowing that every step i make will lead me into building that great architectural masterpiece sumday. it may be far. i may be 'bein too idealistic". no. i am just having a goal. i am a designer and sumday i will build that building that will be a bastion of sumthing of a higher kind.. i dont exactly understand what id like it to be. i just know that id be building a great building someday. i was born for that. they can kill me after i have built it. that is my purpose anyway.. to give birth to something- a great building, that is.maybe a university..coz i always wanted to be a part of building our nation.
call me a goody-goody or watever names you want. listen to me first, though. when we die all that's left is that very thing we sacrified so much for that we actually lived with almost nothing but that purpose in mind. we will be forgotten. how good we are in bed, how much a kisser we are, how pretty we were during our youthful days, how we dressed, how rich we were, how many cars we had.. it will all be forgotten when we die. so id like to travel the road that is less trodden.
dont get it wrong. im not against love affairs. i myself is dying to meet guys that i would really be attracted with. i just dont want it to be my goal. let it come if it will. im too excited and i am getting impatient at times... but i got sum more important things to think of.. so let it come to me at the right time. im tired of looking for it.
thats why im really workin hard on training myself to think of my greater purpose in life.. thats why i stopped. thats why im getting sum scholarships. let love chase me. let it find me at the right time. and let me do better in life as it find its way to me... i would like to be the best i can be as i postpone lookin for sum love affairs that may just hurt me and waste the time i could have used to perform my purpose on earth. i am not living for myself. i sumhow believe i got a greater responsibility. i want to be used by God, the One who made me and gave me all these talents i can never boast of.i want to be worthy of that man he wants for me. id like to be worthy of his plans for me.. and im getting it.
posted by rocky at 7:29 AM
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